Wisdom & Insight Needed: Dr.'s and Meds

After 50 years of combination denial and “I can manage this without meds!!!” bullheaded attitude, I forcefully humbled myself and went for professional evaluation with an ADHD specialist. Slam dunk epic failed, of course, and here begins the med trials and errors. I am exhausted, obviously defeated, and even my pride (which was out to kill me) can't argue any longer – thank goodness. Years ago, I was evaluated with PTSD which adds to the problem. Now PTSD, I easily easily and obviously accepted because of the traumas x 4 (physical evidence) –but the ADHD, I was not willing to give in to.

Anywayz, I need input about Dr.'s, medications, and working with them efficiently and cooperatively. My psychologist is excellent, but he needs to work with a medical physician for medications. My location has limited medical doctors – they all come and go like bees. That leaves me with a new seemingly detached doctor once again. I sense she isn't fully understanding and/or apathetic in the reality of this ADHD-PTSD combo :/ She isn't available but 3-4 days at the clinic. When I call with problems, I can't get into her for weeks. Psychologist would rather I not fear Adderall and try it. I am agreeing to this by now, and also that I may need another med in addition to a stimulant to control my anxiety/panic attacks which are routine states I deal with regularly and have always needed a dr visit and meds to “untrip” the state. About the anxiety meds, I am thinking maybe that if my mind would focus and not be in chaos, I may not go into those panic/anxiety states so would like to have a try just the ADHD med alone with the other med only as needed & if needed.

Meds tried so far in order (prescribed and *non-prescribed):

Numerous antidepressants over the years – these are all like setting off a nuclear bomb in my life. The devastation left behind is unforgivable. Only one, forget the name, had me visiting neighbors I didn't even know, all happy, and singing “everybody must get stoned” … better than devistation I guess :p

Strattera – 2 days (lock me in a cage, duct tape my mouth, and toss the key if I ever touch again)

*Adderall 10 mg (relative's) Twice i was given to "save" a family day get together (I was in ADHD overload). I consented and entered a quietness, content relaxed peace with full ability to choose my thoughts at will (which are fewer and not racing like fireworks). Quite amazing. The peace, joy, and relaxation of my mind brought tears of thankfulness. I couldn't understand why there was not world peace if even 50% of the world could think so clearly and sanely – Profound moment. I was in "awe" of my new "state of mind" until bedtime and slept like a baby.

Vyvanse 20 mg Still swear is a sugar pill.

Vyvance 40 mg Still would swear was a sugar pill except something is happening. It may be coincidence, but 4.5 to 5 hours after taking: I have extreme anxiety state hit me and severe ADHD mind but even more chaotic than normal. This is an awful experience. *If I take a simple 10 mg of Adderall when the crazy state attacks me, the Adderall clears up my mind and I am relaxed again -- all is well. Weird. This has to stop being my answer though - these are a relative's who needs them.

I explained all this over the weekly psychologist appointments and he, as in the beginning, asked again,, why was I so against Adderall. Well, I was against any med until now, and Adderall causes tics! (wasn't even sure what they are) and that scared me. Now I agree with him, and sold out to the benefits of Adderall so much as to risk gaining tics. It was beautiful mind peace and overwhelmingly worth it. I never knew a mind could be so so relaxed and quiet. Problem is that I don't see medical Dr. for another 2 weeks, and she doesn't appreciate Adderall any more than I did at the time.

I just want freedom from the auto-pilot of my mind (it's fail). I want the steering wheel. It's my birthright.

Sorry this is so long. I am new here and I need outside input. My mind is like a cyclone of thoughts and that makes it hard to reason out all these thoughts and make practical, orderly steps to getting help. Thank you for taking the time to read. Many blessing to you all . . .

Hang in there! I come from a family that abhors any sort of medication. My brother and nephew are unmedicated and severely ADHD. I chose medication for my son after many long months of trying everything else. I was unwilling to let him struggle and suffer the way I have watched my brother struggle and suffer. He thinks he has it under control, but really doesn't.

Good for you for being brave enough to recognize that you can choose your own path! Everyone is different, and everyone reacts differently to medication. Keep trying!!! We LOVED Adderall, but it quit working when my son hit a growth phase. This is going to be a marathon, not a sprint so remember that if something doesn't work, there are many, many other options.

In my experience, some doctors are harder to understand than others, meaning if I asked three different psychiatrists the same question, they’d have three different answers. If I ask my current doctor “why did I respond to this medication so differently than the previous one?”, he’d answer “I don’t know”. He says that most of the time, and I ask questions often. When I asked why there was a dosage limit for a med, he said it had to do with heart arythmias. I told him I had one, so he noted that. Otherwise, side effects have been hard for me to predict. It required lots of patience and discomfort on my part to find medications through trial and error, but In the long run I’ve been glad to have options. Wishing you patience, and best of luck!