Teens and homework

How do you get a 15 year old to do homework without having to fight?

Sometimes it takes putting another person into the process, to break out of a longstanding dynamic you may have with your daughter. A tutor, a spouse, a counselor. During the teen years, teens have all sorts of reasons to rebel against mom. Someone else may have better luck enlisting your daughter's cooperation.

Sometimes, negotiation works. With ADHD kids, it is better to negotiate daily and set short-term goals. If you spend an hour on this, then you get 30 minutes to do that... not if you accomplish something this week, then you get to do that next week. The longer-term goals may set the kids up for failure.

For math, try manga high. (Google online.) It builds some incentives into the process of learning math skills. I believe Khan Academy has begun to do this as well.

For English, maybe try a fun program like "The One Year Adventure Novel" if the current program is not engaging.

Well my mom is trying to be the referee and she has set some small goals, she was to work on two books a day for three days and they are only like 3-4 pages if that and she drags it on and on. We tried to even give her insentives like if you do this we will go and get something at the store but she still drags it on. I am hoping that pa cyber school will make her life a little easier and mine. I will try the sights you have gave me and see what happens. I will keep you posted thank you!!!!

Try to provide a table rather than a small desk so that another person/tutor can sit with your daughter. It was suggested to me to keep this area clean and organized. A friend of mine who has success with her daughter uses their dining room table where there is good light. A tutor your daughter likes would be really helpful, if possible. College students who have organized work habits can be good tutors.

My son wanted to work alone on his homework, but this pattern wasn't successful in the long run.

I have tried to ask her to sit at the table to do her work but it is a battle. She finds every excuse to not sit there. She goes after christmas break to see if they will except her into cyber school and it worries me what will happen when I am home alone with her will she actually do her work or push me over the edge fighting her to do the work. I am trying to think positive! I have just struggled with her and my 19yr old son for so long that I am so worn out. Thank you so much for your help I appreciate it!

Some kids like the engagement that fighting provides: it boosts adrenaline which can help focus, but only temporarily. Homework isn't a natural adrenaline booster, unless late and up against a deadline. A pattern like that isn't reliable because stuff can go wrong at the last minute.

You want to stop homework fighting, and you can. You'll need exercise for your pressure release valve. At home, dress in sweats or sporty stuff so it doesn't look too suspicious when you suddenly decide you have to get your jump-rope reps in. It's a commitment your daughter will observe you sticking to. She will have to make her own commitment to work the courses.

If you can get a person besides you to help clarify the course expectations and strategy for meeting them, that's great. Remember that it's really hard for some people to sit down and work. I think "start" is the first step. Your daughter can make it her first objective.

The class syllabus itself can be used to check off completed work and recording the grade. Many are explicit about the scoring method, complete with a table for how many possible grade points are earned for homework, tests, quizzes. This can be as stimulating as the course content, for the competitive nature or liking to beat a personal best.

I learned ACE in a parenting class: No Advice, Criticism, or Explanation. Observing this cuts down on parent harping. When I first tried this, it seemed like those things were all I had to say, so it was energy saving for me ;) and prompted my son to speak more. Your daughter might begin to take control of her process. She may resist telling you much, so try to be alert and open to listening whenever she wants to engage in a constructive way.

I will do this! Before I ran away from the problems with the school where we were a month ago she was starting to get more help. I’ve decided to move back there Friday with her and start the process over again with the BCM she had and counseling for her and I to learn how to cope with her out bursts and her trying make me upset. I’m tired of crying I just want her to be happy.

Shelly, the change of scenery did you good, and I wish you the very best.
FYI, I still hate to sit down at a table to work. It takes core strength when I’m tired, but it’s easier to stay organized there. My first objective is to start… Good luck and good energy to you and yours!

Thank you and Happy Holidays!