Marriage and ADD

Wondering how others in the group deal with the challenges that having ADD places on intimate relationships? I am feeling really frustrated and overwhelmed lately!

Hi Megan,
Do you & your spouse both have ADD, or just one of you?

I don’t have adhd but my husband does. For sure it can be frustrating. Something that helped me and our relationship was to educate myself about adhd. With that I have a greater understanding of the behaviours that can be so frustrating to deal with such as memory and being easily distracted. We have had several short talks instead of one long talk about this. We found that our perceptions were very different. People with add/adhd see things differently. Once we both understood this we were able to work together and the frustration for both of us got a lot better. I now understand that it’s not only frustrating for me but for him as well. Acceptance and tolerance have made a world of difference.

Just myself. My husband does not have ADD but he is trying desperately to learn how to deal with my symptoms and the symptoms the adderal creates.

Mackee said:

Hi Megan,
Do you & your spouse both have ADD, or just one of you?

Part of the solution is noticing when you are frustrated and overwhelmed! Relationship stuff takes time. When I felt pressured I used to react by venting about "whatever" at the same time. Not.

Tracey, can you recommend a book or any other good source you found when learning about your husband's ADD/ADHD?

Megan, Tracey learned about ADD herself and that is amazing! If your husband is motivated and doesn't mind some reading, I thought Driven to Distraction was a good book, and I'm sure the new edition would be better, but there might be a good book out there especially for spouses. Doctors offices sometimes have brochures that explain it in an abbreviated format. Depends on who he is; some people don't like a lot of explanation. That's especially true if a particular trait or behavior of yours is bugging your husband and he just wants you to change. Patience, tolerance, and love on both your parts is super important. Changing is sometimes not an option, so that's when some background information is helpful. I really hope he reads something that explains how you process things.

Thanks for bringing up this important topic. I'd love to hear some success stories, operative word "love". A little science and good communication is sometimes required, as we all know.

I’m about half way through a book called SCATTERED MINDS by Gabor Mate. He’s a doctor who has ADHD himself. He fully acknowledges this and he’s quite humourous about it. It approaches ADHD from a different angle.I Initially started reading it and suggested to my husband he should read it too so we could help our son. Well needless to say he didn’t read it. He couldn’t concentrate on it. He was seeing himself! It’s taking me a while to read it myself. It’s interesting but information overload at times! Anyway hope this helps.