Im falling apart

Being a parent is hard. Even harder when your kids have issues. My 13yr old son was diagnosed with adhd about 4-5yrs ago. Hes on ritalin 10mg twice a day but refuses to take it. Hes contsantly bullying his siblings and standing over them and sometimes me. He swears, hes violent, he smashes holes in the walls, and if i confront him or try and talk to him about this behavior, it makes things worse because “its never his fault”… and due to our public health system i can get him back to the Peadiatricians til sept.
Im about to lose my mind. Im a single parent, we live rurally and i have no licence and next to no support… i am feeling trapped and alone.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. at the same time I am in the same situation. the difference is that my child is 8 and she is the only one. last year my daughter had an issue with self harming she would scratch bite slap herself pull her hair find something sharp and cut herself with it. all at the same time wanting attention. its like she was doing it on purpose to get my attention but it was the wrong way. as soon as your realize what she was doing wasn't working she change up quick the self harming stop ( thank goodness) but the other issue did not nothing is her fault she always right, on and on. I can relate to what you are dealing with and I do feel like I am going to go insane. but the issue with that is we can't no matter how hard it get no matter how tough it may seem to us we have to keep moving on. we have to keep positive we have to keep saying to ourselves this is my child and I will not give up. we are all here to support you and help you in anyway that we can, I am no expert I am a mom seeking friendship and support. so please know I am here for you if you need to chat., just message me.

Don't go insane Don't give up you have come to the right place to get help, love, support, friendship and advice. keep your head up and I will be saying a prayer for you.

I hope it was some relief to be able to post this, meegan. The teen years are really difficult, and it is a time when many kids start to refuse these medications. I know parents who have decided to send their kids to non-traditional boarding schools in situations like this, but of course it is difficult to afford. Is there a "big brother" program or mentoring program in your area? It sounds like your son could use a mentor.

You are not alone! My son is 12, going thru exactly the same behaviors but also hyper sexual lately. I don’t know about your area, but I found a non profit that has been immensely helpful. We have a therauputic mentor come once a week to the house, as well as he has weekly therapy , although the behavior is still there and many nights I go to bed crying, I have seen a slow improvement in my boy
One thing I’m learning is we don’t have to do this alone. If nothing else,there is always someone at the other end of the keyboard to vent,laugh,cry, etc with. Thank you for sharing with us and letting us share back with you

Im really not sure what support is available and without my license and no public transport it is a struggle. I talked to his previous school about available support but they didnt know or just didnt care. To them he was just another face in the crowd who caused problems. That was before they "suggested " hed be better off somewhere else. And my family have told me that they really only tolerate him because hes my kid and that his behavior is unacceptable so they not interested in helping me. They think hes just spoilt and only wants his own way.
I often end up crying. I already suffer depression and have my own issues. and It does help to just be able to vent.

Meegan, I am so sorry you are dealing with such challenging issues. That's something I fear, that my son will someday refuse his meds and he won't be able to control his anger issues. Once on a trip I forgot one of his meds and on day 5 he suddenly was TOTALLY out of control - I called my provider to get an emergency Rx and it calmed him down within an hour of taking a dose.

You might try the school again or go to the district office for help/suggestions for services. They should be open during the summer. The mentoring sounds like a good idea (I've considered it for my son as his dad hasn't been around for 4+ years) if there is a program in your area.

Let us all know how you are doing, you are not alone!

I'm glad for the internet so that you can vent! You may also find social services resources in your area, if any.

If you're feeling trapped and alone and on the edge of your sanity it's really hard to make a constructive plan. It sounds like many parents here have had serious challenges, too. We cannot be ashamed to admit where we are in our struggle as parents. It isn't easy and some kids are harder than others. Thanks for your honest post.

Is there anything your son likes to do outdoors? Is there any kind of community where you live? Church? I'm just thinking that your family could be allies, and you and your children having some connection with others locally will prevent isolation. Yes or no, you need a plan for home. Have you worked with a therapist before? If you are temporarily without connection to anyone locally, who would you call in an emergency?

Think about what skills or tools you've used in the past to communicate with your son successfully, or with your other children. I hope sharing ideas here will help.

Meegan, call or e-mail your pediatrician and tell the doctor about the violent and disruptive behavior If your family is suffering you mustn't wait until September. You'll feel more able as a parent when you can communicate clearly to people who help families, in order to get the services or medical attention you and your kids deserve. I know you may feel discouraged but please do this and let us know how it goes.

I have two sons and we had trying times. I sometimes felt like I "couldn't handle it", but somehow I did. My ids were counting on me. It can be difficult - you have our encouragement, for sure!

I called them and they actually had a cancelation for tomorrow afternoon… im so pleased.

I'm so glad, meegan.

Let us know how it goes Meegan, we're all pulling for you!

Meegan, great news. :)

They’ve put him on a drug called strattera. Anyone had experience with this medication? They said in some people, one potential side effect is increased moodiness … oh i hope not.

If he's on the right dose he may have no side effects at all. Our provider has recommended it but it's too expensive right now for us.

I hope the new medicine trial is going smoothly, Meegan.

Meegan, I don't have personal or family experience with Strattera. Other members do, though.

Hi Meegan,

My son has been on Strattera for 2 months and we unfortunately had to take him off it because of emotional side effects. However, Straterra works so well for a lot of kids. My son has a very strong family history of anxiety and bipolar disorder, so it just wasn't the med for him. His ADHD was controlled, but he got very emotional and cried (he's 7 yrs old) over things that never bothered him before. Being emotional is a normal side effect, and most times it will go away after a bit.

Keep in mind that Straterra is not like a stimulant and takes a much longer time to start working. It could be a couple of months before you reach its full effectiveness. Give it some time. I have a friend who is a psychologist in the school system and she said Straterra (if it works) is a great medication for many kids.

Be patient and keep in mind that working out the best meds and treatment for your son is a process. But you have started on your way to getting it figured out!

meegan said:

They've put him on a drug called strattera. Anyone had experience with this medication? They said in some people, one potential side effect is increased moodiness .... oh i hope not.

My boy had a lot of the same behaviors you've talked about. Our doctor switched him to Strattera as well. We immediately found that while the strattera works, we STILL had to have his original adderall too. Hope things are going ok for you right now. Hugs!

Oh my, a group that writes about and understands my daily struggles. I feel so alone and there are so many people that Judge. At times, I feel like I want to crawl in a dark hole. Through the process of finding out that my oldest daughter had ADHD, my husband and I were both diagnosed. My 2nd daughter was also diagnosed, but does well on meds and my third does not have ADHD, truly sunshine in my life. My oldest has severe ADHD, mood disorder and anxiety disorder. She is in the 8th grade. We have changed meds several times and at least her moods are stable with Adderall, Lamictol and vibrate, but her impulsivity is like one of a three year old and her executive function is one of a 4th grader. My husband and I are at a loss of what to do. She sees a psychiatrist and a counselor. She thinks the world is owed to her. It is impossible to set boundaries, discipline or have her follow the rules. She has a very difficult time focusing at school and can’t seem to even turn in her homework when it is completed. We cannot trust her because she lies and believes in her lies. I love my daughter with all my heart and see her potential, but I have no idea how to get her to see it. I get so down on myself as I feel I have failed as a parent. I feel so alone at times. I want to help my child so badly, but know that I can only guide her and cannot fix her. How do you get a child to stop lying? She will go to people’s houses and take things and not even remember that she took it…I don’t understand. Thank you for listening.