Falling Apart

I hate that I only post when I am at my wits end - which seems to be all the time lately. I have mentioned that ADHD saved my sons life. If we had not had him tested, we would not have found out about his kidney disease. However if it were not for his kidney disease we might find some relief in trying some med options....but because they can increase blood pressure that is not an option.

I go through phases where I think....this will work....we just need to buckle down and take it one day at a time. It is nice while it lasts. Today is one of those days I feel hopeless...lost. My son is more "out of control" than ever. I can't sit and have a conversation without his legs going, his hands in his face, making noise,s no eye contact, fidgeting with everything and anything. Football is his one safe place, his one time to get rid of some energy and I found out this AM he can't play due to grades. We had a 4 day weekend we could have been working on getting caught up and I find out today. He has always been very successful with school grades wise. Now I find out he is failing two classes. Math being one of them and usually one he excels at. I don't understand....

My marriage is falling apart. We don't talk....we hardly argue. My husband just yells at my son. He has no patience. He acts like he is disappointed that our son is not "normal" or everything he thought he should or would be. I spend most of my time playing ref. He has started sleeping on the couch...saying he just fell asleep there. He gets texts and calls from a single female coworker all the time. When he wants to complain about our son the one time I tell him I just can't listen to it he slams off mad at me. It feels like he resents E and jealous of the time I give him.

The anxiety and worry are suffocating. I feel like I am on the verge of a breakdown. I already take antidepressants and antianxiety meds...I don't know how much longer I can live this way.

Hi NinjaSue,

I could easily be walking in your shoes - feel the same way many days, and I too am on anti-depressant medications. Suffocating is the perfect word for those days when you cannot get your head out of the water long enough to catch a breath! My partner has no tolerance for the kids' ADHD behaviours and complains that I am overindulgent. Truthfully, there is probably some middle ground we have not found yet.

We finally hit the wall and began family therapy. Our arguing was negatively impacting the kids and their stress was increasing, so there was no chance they could manage - their brains were constantly filled with cortisol! Fortunately, in this city there is an agency that provides intensive, in-home weekly family therapy at no cost. It is definitely helping. Each of the kids has a voice, and we spend much more time listening to each other. Collectively we have come up with some things to try to allow everyone more space to breathe etc.

I am wondering if you could have the school get on board with allowing your son to play football despite his grades. It would seem similar to not missing recess as a punishment for younger children. Certainly the school could understand that the exercise and social aspects of football are important to the success of your son. Even if they did not want to make an exception, you could have it added to his 504/IEP as an accommodation. (Perhaps?)

Some days the only way for me to carry on is to wake up each morning and wipe the slate clean and start again. If I try to carry yesterday's garbage with me, the load just gets too heavy to handle!

Hang in there - and know you are not alone!

Thank you for your support...I tried the school already to ask about adding it to his 504 and was shot down. However, I may see if the doctors office can make it a "prescription".

I teared up reading your post. Really hit home. I felt on the verge of a nervous breakdown, was on meds, seeing a psychiatrist and missing days at work. My son’s therapist helped me realize that I had lost sight of my own strength. I didn’t see all I’ve done right and only saw everything that was wrong. I love what 3Gkids says about wiping the slate clean. I found once I let go of yesterday I could face a new day without as much dispare. When I went to bed feeling defeated I tried to give myself credit anyway I could. Some days it’s a kudos to you for not giving your child away, lol. I’m a single mom and I don’t date because of my fear of loving someone who in the end can’t except my son like I do. Take care of yourself. Replenish, even if just for a few minutes locked in the bathroom. Make it purposeful. I put on headphones and play a positive affirmations video from YouTube. Don’t give up. Keep reaching out. Hugs.

You moms are amazing in your support for one another. Your commitment to your children is inspiring to me. I remember when the bathroom was my escape, too. :) The work of parenting is so challenging, and you're doing an incredible job!