Hi my Daughter have been diagnosed with ADHD when she was 5. she is now 8 years old. as time goes by its getting harder and harder to deal with her mood swing, anger, and destructive behavior. she is on medication although there have been some tweak here and there but over all its that same meds. I would like to know a few tips or suggestion on the best way to handle rude behavior like disrespect and always being argumentative. no matter what is said to her she always have to have the last word or she always right and I am always wrong. how can I change this behavior? I am so stress out I really can use some advice.
I don’t know that I have anything to offer but moral support… has your daughter been screened for ODD? My son is only defiant and oppositional when he is coming off of his meds. We added an afternoon dose of Intuniv and it works for us. Behavioral therapy also helped us tremendously.
If you just need a place to vent, send me a message.
Hang in there!
That's a tough problem. My 8 year old son can be the same way, although things have improved since he started meds 1 yr ago.
Something I learned at a Kaiser class was counting down from 5. I get right in front of him, tell him the behavior is not okay (or I need him to listen and follow directions, whatever the situation is) then if he can't follow directions I start counting backwards from 5 in a firm voice, hold my fingers up where he can see them, use them to count down as wekll, and if he hasn't changed course by zero there is a consequence (loss of privilege). This almost ALWAYS works. Usually by 3 he has snapped out of it. It's important to NOT sound angry when you do this. ADHD kids hear angry voices all day long. They don't need to hear that from us. My son reminds me of that.
Sometimes he is just on overload emotionally, and I have to find a way for him to cool down. Spending a few minutes with him doing a cherished activity can work wonders. Sometimes I need my own timeout, but that's a little harder to do :)
I'm going to try that idea, thanks for passing that on!
austinmom said:
I found a number of techniques that worked with my son. I should mention that he is an adult now, but this is still the technique I use the most with him. I paid attention to triggers and signs that a conversation or situation was heading the wrong direction and I employed "distraction." Before he had a chance to get angry or break into an outburst I would totally change the subject. At first he was confused by this, but after awhile he would almost immediately forget what was going on and move on to the new topic. This only worked if I did it before the temper tantrum started. Its simple but pretty effective.
Thank you so much. for your reply really help me. I tend to break down and cry a lot due to stress and frustration. I am thankful for all of you here.
please add me to your friends list if at all possible. kfwellman said:
I don't know that I have anything to offer but moral support... has your daughter been screened for ODD? My son is only defiant and oppositional when he is coming off of his meds. We added an afternoon dose of Intuniv and it works for us. Behavioral therapy also helped us tremendously. If you just need a place to vent, send me a message. Hang in there!
Hi Nika, I completely sympathize with you. I have a seven year old that people in her summer camp have called a Devil. Don’t worry I have handled that, but she is hard to deal with. You never what what you are going to get with her. Sadly what works for me is placing the fear of the punishment before she even gets to do it. Which makes me the mean military mom and her dad cool. I can’t win but I am the one being called at work when she throws a tantrum and throws water bottles at summer camp counsellors. I pray you find an answer and I hope we find our way through this struggle.
I agree with you on one thing my daughter take her 'anger" out on me all the time. its get to the point where Im asking myself as well as other people what am I doing wrong?. she will wake up with an attitude towards me and it will last all day. right now she is going to camp from 7:30am til 5pm. just getting her up in the morning is a hassle. once she up and getting ready for camp she have to question everything i ask her to do or if I ask her a question her answer is filled with anger and rudeness. I have a few hours to figure out what went wrong and there are times when I still can't figure it out. I keep myself in a good mood and let what happend in the morning go. I go to her camp early and watch as she play with the other kids. she can play very well when she wants to. there are time when she will get upset if she make a mistake or if she can't understand what is needed for her to understand the game. its heart breaking to see her sit alone watching the other kids play. tear will come down my face. I tend to whisper to myself ( someone please give her a chance) lord and behold a few kids came up to her and ask her to play. I cried even more because as a parent no one want to see there kids being alone. once camp is over we head on home. I ask her about camp she is all happy to tell me how her day was. she get excited to tell me the field trip of the week. so from camp till home all is good. once the door open to our home something in her switch and she have gone back to being rude, mean, angry, and it hurts me all the time because its ME who she take it out on NO ONE ELSE. each and every day I am losing more and more HEARTSTRINGS.
as far as Counseling we go once a week every week but the issue with that is she refuse to talk. I can let her go in alone and by the end they telling me she said nothing. I can go in with her and she still won't talk. we are on our 3rd Therapist this year. Im getting more counseling then she is. regardless on if she talks or not I still make her go. one day I will find out whats Im doing wrong. austinmom said:
The other thing that I've had to remind myself over and over is that when I'm son gets angry at me, he usually isn't angry at me at all--its really him letting out his frustration and I'm one of the only people he feels safe enough with to let it out. To this day it is upsetting to me but I remind myself that he isn't angry at me. and know that he is older we can actually talk about it.
Just to add to what kfwellman wrote, for a long time I thought my son had ODD as well as ADHD. He would actually yell at his teachers, the principal, other authority figures, if he didn't like what they were asking of him. He was suspended from school 4 times in the 1st grade and spent a part of every day in the office because of his behavior.
His psychiatrist suggested we first get him on his full ADHD dose (guanfacine and ritalin) then reevaluate. The ADHD meds were enough to address his defiance issues and so he does not have an ODD diagnosis. So it would certainly be worthwhile to follow up with his provider and impress upon them how serious the issues are for you/school/daycare, etc. I find if I don't paint a picture vividly enough, the doctors don't take me seriously and I don't get the help I need.
I also take my son to his doctor but he won't have a conversation other than to give brief answers about school and other activities. He won't respond to many other questions. His doctor and I are the ones doing all the talking. I expect it will be a few years before he will be ready to contribute.
I have a meeting with her psychiatrist next month. I will bring this up with him and see where it goes from there. Thank you all very much for your reply
Does anyone else have an issue with lying? I mean for no good reason at all what so ever. it's getting to the point where its hard to to trust what she is saying to me. I don't want something to happen to her and she come to tell me but I don't trust what she have said to me because of all the lies I have been told. something like that will haunt me for the rest of my life. how can I get her to stop lying all the time?