I need someplace to decompress where I know I will not be judged and people understand. It is tax season and as a tax preparer I am swamped at work and working crazy hours. Today was my first day off in two weeks and I woke up sick. From 8 AM until I finally walked out the door at 12:30 I have done my best to do all the things that need to be done with little to no help from my husband or son. Keeping both wood stoves going, laundry, cooking, cleaning house, outside in cold to deal with chickens and rabbit. The entire time they both have sat on the couch playing video games, nagging and arguing with each other. After a few hours of listening to this and trying to be calm about it - and mentioning it to them calmly - E (my son) is crossing the line with J (my husband)...push push push. I ask E to come down stairs - I was going to see if he was overtired, coming down with something, or whatever and see if he wanted to snuggle with a movie. I ask several times, but he does not appear. He continues to push J's buttons and J continues to nag and pick at him for it. I have had it and go upstairs. I scream, I yell, I slap E (not my best moment)....I scream some more...I ask Ev, who is now playing the "I didn't do anything card" crying in his room, "what is so bad about your life that you are so upset and act as if we beat you". After hours of calmly trying to help him to calm down. He then says "you just did". "I did what?" He thinks I beat him when I slapped him. Is he serious? Part of me is crushed to think my baby would think I would ever beat him and the other part is furious that he could misinterpret a slap for beating. Not sure if I want to cry or scream or both.
I knew being a parent would not be easy. When I found out E had ADHD I knew it would have some challenges, but I was not prepared for them to be as intense as they are some days. I have known others who have ADHD, but I have never seen this side of it. The constant battle, the ups and downs. I want to be a good mother. But some days it is hard. Some days I want to shake him "why don't you understand? Why can't you just do it, you have done it 100 times can't you figure it out?" I don't want it to get to this point where he is so out of control and I end up yelling and mad. I hate when he thinks it is everyone else's fault.
Some days I am just so tired.....and I feel so alone. Just for one day I don't want to have to put on my "Everything is Great" face and pretend I am not worried and stressed and confused. Just for one day I don't want to have to be the strong one.
You don't have to be the strong one here, Sue. I'm sorry that you haven't received any replies to this post. I think a lot of people here are so overwhelmed by dealing with kids and ADD and "just stuff" that they just don't have what they need (mostly time and emotional energy) to respond.
I don't deal with ADD: I'm with Ben's Friends because I have a chronic rare disease (Psoriatic Arthritis). But in my professional life, I was a teacher, and in my day a lot of ADD/ADHD children passed through my professional care zone. ("Classroom" is far too narrow a definition of what I did!) I used to wonder and marvel at parents who parented my special kids when they went home. I have many skills, and a deep well of patience and resources, but my deepest admiration went out to those parents who were able to parent the special kids that so challenged every skill and bit of patience that I had.
My hat's off to you, Mom! And I hope that this weekend finds you feeling a bit more calm and strong.
Ninja Sue, you have to be very clear with yourself about the slap. You crossed a line and your son knows that. What will you do? Maybe you'll have to tell your son you were wrong. He can learn a good rule, too: Don't touch anyone when you're mad. Strong doesn't mean you don't have feelings, that you don't get totally exasperated, and that you never get tired. I don't know how you recharge your batteries, especially with such a busy season at work right now, but find a healthy way to take the pressure off. Ask for specific support from your husband and son. I feel for you. I'd like to hear how you're doing again.
I wish I could say I did something great to recharge and have me time, but right now I don't have the time or the outlet. I used to do Zumba a couple times a week and I miss it, but the classes are no longer within a reasonable distance. At this point I hardly see my friends and family and find I isolate myself more and more....I know bad bad bad. I woke up this AM with severe anxiety, which has not happened for months. I need to find a balance!
I truly feel blessed to have found this site and the support it offers. At least I don't hold it all in like I used to and have an outlet for the good bad or indifferent.
Hi NinjaSue, it’s still tax time and I hope you and your family are managing well.
When a family is very stressed I remind parents of Child and Family Services for locating parenting workshops. I see there’s one in Augusta. Here’s one number: (207) ■■■■■■■■. There’s more info on the website. Your son’s doctor, teachers, or other parents know more about family resources in your own town. I found a good therapist, MSW, and returned to see her over a 25 year period! I went for my own stuff but she knew about parenting and was so helpful to me.
Best to you. Happy Spring
